I'm a Viet vet

It took the Americans more than 10 years - and they still failed. But I have conquered Vietnam in 15 days.

Despite the unrelenting heat and humidity, it has been probably the most enjoyable start to a trip I have ever had. Once I got used to an exchange rate of 30,000 dong to the pound (if Vietnam had a royal family, would its head be known as 'king dong'?), and incessant badgering from everyone I pass on the street ('Hello, how are you?' 'Fine.' 'Motorbike?' 'No thank you.' 'Marijuana?' 'No thank you.''Lady?' 'How much? No thank you.') and everybody trying to stitch me up, I have had a great time, particularly as most locals really do wear those conical hats of legend (I can imagine a Vietnamese tourist in London emailing home at this very minute saying he has been disappointed that nobody walks round in a bowler hat). What's more, Vietnamese for 'thank you'is 'cam on'. So perhaps all the Saturday night beer monsters all over England screaming 'cam on' at each other, while beckoning, are in fact linguists who want to thank each other for an enjoyable evening.

After a couple of days in Hanoi (lots of motorbikes, narrow streets), I did a boat trip out to Halong Bay, which is home to hundreds of limestone outcrops and islands (reminiscent of Krabi in Thailand). From there, I caught an overnight train to Hue, which was the boundary between North and South Vietnam during the war, and the scene of much fighting. My next step was Hoi An, which is over-run by tourists, as the beautiful mix of Chinese, French and Vietnamese architecture has led to the whole turn centre being designated a Unseco World Heritage Site. And with 'fresh beer' (home-brew, basically) selling at 10p a glass, it was a good place to while away a few days.

As the result of chasing a woman (see Love Ain't in the Air), I stayed too long in Hoi An, and had to fly to Saigon (blowing my minuscule budget out of the water). I had only a day-and-a-half to explore the country's biggest city (lots of motorbikes, wide streets), but managed to take in the War Remmants Museum (maybe Museums Journal will take an article) and visited the Cu Chi Tunnels. Both were harrowing places - the first for revealing the war crimes perpetrated by the Americans, as well as the affects of Agent Orange. The latter for proving to me that even though I am living on noodle soup, I'm still too portly to have made it into the Viet Cong. I have become fascinated by the Vietnam/American War - and after almost 25 years, my knowledge extends past the fact that the average age of the US soldiers was 19.

I am now in the Mekong Delta, which has been a bit of a disappointment. Most rivers look the same, so perhaps I was expecting too much (I just hope I don't apply that logic to the Great Wall). I booked an expensive three-day trip down here from Saigon, but this morning, we reached the floating market (the highlight of the trip), just as all the selllers were reducing the price of their goods and rowing home. Walthamstow market is a different class - and I can get there on the 20 bus.

What's more, the only problems I have encountered are having had my camouflage beanie stolen by a six-year-old (and the replacement is a shocker - it makes me look like a cowboy) and being conned out of 100,000 dong (three quid) by a waiter. After 20 years on the road, I think I'm finally getting the hang of this travelling lark.